Happy Pride – How To Be A Better Ally & Our Fave LGBTQ+ Voices
Welcome to Pride 2023! This year as we begin a month of celebration, we are painfully aware here at Stori that across the country legislation is being passed that restricts and denies many LGBTQ+ Americans their civil rights. The widespread discrimination, violence, microaggressions, and unchecked bias the LGBTQ+ community faces on a daily basis makes mental health an essential priority.
So what does it take to be a better ally to the LGBTQ+ community? Pride is just one month out of every year, so first and foremost, we invite you to show up and show your support for our queer loved ones, friends, neighbors, and colleagues all 365 days and in every social setting.
To get you started, we put together a few ways to get you thinking about how to keep growing and learning to be a better ally.
#1 Be Open, Be Curious & Lead With Empathy
This may seem obvious, but being an ally to anyone starts with being open to learning about things you have little to no direct experience with. It means staying curious and in what we call a “listen-to-learn” seat where it's not about you having answers, but a willingness to be with someone else's experiences. So often we move into fix-it mode with folks we care about, but this is a sure-fire way to end a conversation with someone who is sharing vulnerability with us. Instead try inviting deeper understanding by saying things like, “If you’re comfortable sharing more, I’d like to hear about it” or “What does support look like for you right now?” or “Thank you for sharing this with me. It means a lot to me that you trust me with your experiences.”
#2 Hold Space
When we hold space for someone’s experience, emotions, identity, or process, we are not interfering or centering ourselves in any way, but instead providing a safe space for our friend to express or feel what’s going on without fixing (see above). It also means not denying someone’s experience, feelings or reality simply because it doesn’t match up with your own. We’ve all had times in our lives when we simply need someone to listen or keep us quiet company. When we can do the hard work of regulating our own nervous systems in the face of someone else’s distress, we show our friends that we can co-create a safe space that can hold both good times and hardship. This can look like active listening if your friend is opening up to you, validating something you’ve observed, or simply witnessing.
#3 Unpack Your Bias
Accept that you do not know everything there is to know about being LGBTQ+ and that you are carrying hidden biases that have the potential to prevent #1 and #2 above, as well as cause harm. It’s hard to come up against those blind spots, but if you dig deeply and can withstand the discomfort of making mistakes and owning up to them, you’ll become a much better ally to the people you care about. If a queer person confronts you with your bias, you can say something like, “Thank you for pointing that out to me. I hadn’t thought about it like that and it matters to me that you’re taking the time and energy to help me understand.”
At Stori, we consider these basic starting points for being in a supportive role. Really they can apply to any relationship that you care about and want to show up for. There are tons of resources from respected organizations working on the front lines of the LGBTQ+ movement like PFLAG, the ACLU, The Trevor Project, Family Equality, and GLAAD, as well as on social media.
We love this in depth guide from The Human Rights Campaign Foundation that offers helpful and nuanced insight into identity, history, and how to be a better ally.
And while there are so many powerful voices sharing their experiences and lives via social media, here are Stori’s Five Favorite LGBTQ+ Advocates, Organizations & Voices To Follow:
03 @mattxiv
04 @gottmik
Remember, our stories give our lives meaning and power. So when you’re ready to find a therapist near you who can offer a safe space to explore your experiences, head on over to Stori’s contact page to find your match!
