It’s Okay To Not Be Okay – Ways To Help & Places to Go for Suicide Prevention
September is Suicide Prevention Month. Not exactly cocktail party conversation at your Labor Day party, we know.
In our feel-good-at-all-expenses culture, and especially on social media, it’s easy to be influenced by the toxic positivity that tells us not to look at what hurts. Curated feeds and highly filtered images of idealized lives and bodies and relationships abound, making all of us feel inadequate.
But mental health is complex and infinitely more nuanced than a #blessed post. We are supposed to feel a range of emotions, including, at times, the ones that make us uncomfortable, sad, lonely, depressed, and hopeless.
As therapists we believe these feelings are asking us to uncover what’s behind them in the best way they can – by increasing our level of discomfort until we pay attention. And yet the rub is that all too often they tell us the story that we are unique in our suffering and will be a burden if we need help.
According to research by the National Center for Health Statistics, there’s a troubling uptick in suicide rates that we’ve been keeping our eyes on, giving us the largest one-year increase in a decade (between 2011 and 2021). This is precisely why having hard conversations about mental health is not only necessary, but potentially life-saving.
There’s no shame in needing a helping hand. To help you identify if someone you love might be suicidal, here are some signs to look for from the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline:
11 WARNING SIGNS
Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves
Looking for a way to kill themselves, like searching online or buying a gun
Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
Talking about being a burden to others
Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly
Sleeping too little or too much
Withdrawing or isolating themselves
Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
Extreme mood swings
For those of us who do not struggle with thoughts of suicide or clinical depression, the mere idea of having this conversation can be daunting. But for those who live with the specter that life might just be better moving on without them, it is one that is desperately needed.
In fact, research by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) shows that asking someone if they are thinking about suicide and how far along they are in their plans has a preventative effect. Just connecting and holding space for someone’s experience can often create the bridge to getting help.
5 WAYS TO OFFER SUPPORT
If you’re concerned about someone in your life, consider that you might offer a lifeline by opening up an honest conversation.
ASK
“I’ve noticed that you seem to be having a really hard time. Are you thinking at all about killing yourself?”
Trust your instincts if you feel a concern and be direct. Bringing up suicide does not increase risk or increase ideation. Asking the question signals that you are someone who can handle the conversation.
ASSESS - KEEP THEM SAFE
“Do you have a plan and the means to carry it out?”
Ask how the person is thinking of killing themselves and, if there are lethal means (such as pills or weapons) in their possession, if possible, work with them to remove those items and then take them or encourage them to go to the hospital as a plan plus means indicate the need for a higher level of care.
BE THERE
“I can tell this must be very hard and I’m here for you.”
Listen without trying to respond or fix so you can gather information to figure out where they are in their experience. Hold space and validate what they are going through.
HELP THEM CONNECT
“I care about you and would be really sad if you were not here. I’d like to help you find help.”
Support them in reaching out to the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, their family members, friends, spiritual advisors or a mental health professional.
STAY CONNECTED
“I’m checking in with you to see how you’re feeling. I care about you and want to support you.”
Follow through and check in as they receive help and after treatment.
We also asked some folks who have recovered from suicidal episodes for the things NOT to say to someone who is struggling:
It’s not that bad – get over it
How could you even think of killing yourself?
You have too many things going for you to be suicidal
Just be thankful you’re not dealing with (insert other hardship here)
Suicide is selfish
I know how you feel
Resist the urge to center yourself and instead try asking questions if you find yourself at a loss for words. Just being someone who can handle the conversation is incredibly supportive.
HELP IS AVAILABLE 24/7
If you’re in crisis, struggling with thoughts of suicide or engaging in self-harm, reach out for support from the folks at the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 or 1-800-273-TALK.
If you’re a survivor looking for a therapist near you to help you navigate grief, self-blame, shame, stigmatization, PTSD, depression, social withdrawal, or any of the complicated feelings that come up from your loss, come see us at Stori where we will hold space for your experience with compassion and confidentiality. If at any point you or someone you love is in need of a higher level of care, we will provide appropriate referrals to ensure the best care for your safety and treatment.
